Today I just feel so hopeless. The years of working through this are making me feel so overwhelmed and frustrated. I feel like I can't eat ANY food, go ANYwhere or do ANYthing without getting sick or having some icky, stinky flare up. It feels like my body is a burning fire of immune dysfunction and havoc and I try and try and try everything. I don't think there is a thing on planet earth that I have not tried and studied about. I work and work and pray and pray and try and try. Every time I try to take a step to improve, I just get sick. My body reacts to every single dang thing I put in there. It is so confused and mad at me. I am so sick of being sick. I am so sick of being sick. I am so sick of being sick. I don't want to complain, but my heart aches almost as much as my body. Please, bring me success. Please bring me success.
Please bring me success.
I feel like I know all the garbage that's in there and I know all the jumbly mess that needs organizing, and I even know all the great techniques for getting it all fixed but for some reason, my body has to make every single dang move I make so hard. Why can't I just take a nice little anti-fungal and "poof" the fungal infection is gone. Or why can't I just take a little thyroid medicine and "poof", the whole endocrine system works like a beautiful symphony? Why can't I take some simple little aloe vera juice and have it so warmly and lovingly coat my wrecked gut?
I'm sure that self pity is not where I want to stay, but this is where I am today, and I want to be honest. I pray that tomorrow I can wake up to some success and hope.
