Mistakes Can Teach Us

The journey through health is a massive learning experience, filled with ups and downs, triumphs and mistakes.

When you want to emerge out of chronic illness, you are constantly loaded and bombarded with opinions on what to do and how to get better. When faced with these massive amounts of choices to make, it's enough to make you crazy!

AHHH.

I finally realized that the whole process is imperfect and that it takes time to implement the best plans for healing. The plan changes and evolves over time and I've learned to be still and quiet and do my best to listen and pray for direction and then move to make a choice. The frustrating thing is that even though I do that, I still make mistakes all the time. The best I can do, is go back to my place of stillness and prayer and try to take the lessons learned from the mistake and try again.

We can not be too hard on ourselves. When we realize how many times we had to fall before learning to walk, maybe then we can understand that falling down is a big part of many of our life experiences.

I just wish falling didn't hurt so much!

Individuality in Health and Healing

We as humans are so much the same in many ways, yet so different as well. The road through health and healing is an individual process and should be treated that way.

I have a very good friend that has dealt with many of the same chronic health issues as me, yet there have been times that we have had to move through this journey in vastly different ways. It doesn't mean that I am right and she is wrong, or that she is right and I am wrong. It just means that we are different.

I'm not saying that principles of healing are not universal , but it's important for us not to judge each other for the process that we go through individually. We can never fully understand all the pieces to someone else's puzzle, so we just have to love. We can not know the lessons they are learning and the direction their personal journey is helping them to experience. We just can't know.

We each need our own navigation system to guide us through this jungle of life.

Healing Vs. Band Aiding

We all need a band aid from time to time. There is no denying it. In fact, when I started on my downward health spiral, I realized I was in for a lot of band aiding. And I also realized it was necessary at times. When I say "band aiding", I am referring to the immediate, emergency type care that we sometimes need on this health journey.

The frustrating thing is that it seems like much of the holistic medical community looks down on the band aid approach, but I have to say that it has absolutely been critical for me at times. On the other hand, just because we do need the band aids at times, shouldn't cloud our vision on the miraculous tools that are out there for healing. It's unfortunate that much of the traditional medical community doesn't even think about the process of healing and cleansing through an alternative approach.

I guess that's partly because healing takes time, patience, prayer and a lot of work. The process of healing is not really that easy, but it is worth the effort that goes into it.

So anytime someone tries to tell me that I have to go "all" traditional medicine or "all" alternative medicine, I just remind myself that I have needed to use both and various times in the journey, and I have a feeling most people do to. It's better to be humble, prayerful, and open to the needs that our own bodies have at various times along our journey.

Taking Time Out to Heal

One thing I have learned through healing chronic illness, is that it has been really important for me to do everything I can to take time out to heal. It has meant that we have had to make drastic changes in our life so that I can do that. Taking time out means different things to different people, but I believe that as we pray for guidance to know what to do, we can slowly find what is right for us.

For me, it has meant that I have to put off teaching piano and choir for a season, until I am stronger. This has been very difficult for me. I've been teaching piano since I was 15 years old and have had to postpone something that I really love.

But for now, I feel so much peace when I look at my calendar and know that I can rest, pray, meditate, and heal every single day.

Never Give Up

I got so sick during my last round of infection fighting that I felt totally hopeless and wanted to give up on it all. The sweet thing, is that my husband had brought me a book called, "Never Give Up", by Joyce Meyer. At the time, I was too sick to read, and didn't even notice the title. I put the book away.

A few days later, I was crying to my husband and told him that I wanted to "give up". Moments later, I felt the impression to go read that book. Tears streamed down my face and I knew I was meant to read it. I recommend it to anyone who is dealing with the process of healing chronic illness.

More importantly though, I think it is so cool how we can be personally inspired to read something that is just what we need, when we need it. The process of healing chronic illness (and "life" as well) is all about seeking for that personal guidance to help us make it through and learn the lessons we need to learn along the way.

On a side note...

Being the mormon girl that I am, you wouldn't expect for me to be reading a book by Joyce Meyer. In fact, many people think that mormons are not Christian, which is completely untrue. I think there is some great insight, truth, and hope to be found in many places, and I am thankful that I was lead to that book at a time when I truly needed it.

Hormone BALANCE

I picture myself sitting in a beautiful concert hall, listening to the most amazing piece of music, when all of a sudden, some crazy violin player decides to take over and play grossly out of tune and twice as loud as everyone else. The audience stirs and I cover my ears. Without that balance within the orchestra, the piece of music becomes a complete mess to listen to.

There's a reason they call it hormone BALANCE. I'm really starting to see that it's the balance that's the key, but unfortunately, not so easy to achieve when you are dealing with chronic illness.

I really think we underestimate the absolute power of hormones and hormone balance. On the surface, we tend to think of them as these silly little guys that can cause emotional trouble around our favorite time of the month, but in reality, they are amazing workhorses that perform unbelievable tasks that we should not underestimate. In order for us to feel well, they have to be working together in harmony.

I do realize that the hormone balance gets shifted as I work to remove infection and heal my body, but I'm hoping that I can at least achieve a closer balance right now. The balance may not be able to be perfect yet, but hopefully better over time.

I have a new integrative doc that I'm seeing next week, and I am very hopeful that he will be inspired to see what we need to do. I think it's time to really get serious about bringing these babies closer together to create that beautiful symphony that I'm hoping for.

The Chicken or the Egg

I've realized I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out what is the "main" thing wrong with me. I've tried to go about it that way and it never seems to help me out much.

What caused all this craziness in the first place? Was it the lyme? Was it the toxic exposures? Is it the hormone disfunction? Is it the autoimmune? Is it the leaky gut? Is it the liver detox impairment? Is it the teeth issues? Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. For every hundred things that could be wrong, there are a hundred doctors with their opinions on how to fix it all and each doctor is SURE they know what is the "main" problem. Ugh.

I don't think I'll ever know which came first. I am tired of trying to figure that out. I'm at the point right now, where I feel like I have to just try to do my best in each area. And this is where it goes so dang frustrating. It just feels like too much.

All I can do is take one baby step in each area, try not to give up, and pray for grace to make up the difference. There's no other choice.

I believe I can get better. I believe I will get better.