Write it Down, then Let it Go

Twenty days after my last post and I'm still sick. It can be so discouraging! Sometimes I get so mixed up about wether or not my body is actually healing. Despair, depression, and fear settle in and I find myself feeling that this will never end. I keep thinking about all the other people that have actually found success on their healing journeys, and I find hope again for a moment, but then it's back to fear again. Why does it have to be this way? Why is it so difficult to maintain a sense of hope and optimism? All I can do is try as best I can and hope that God will make up the difference for me. I know that hope is so important, but it's so easy to lose sight of it.

One thing that I have decided to get back to is writing down my healing plan. This usually helps me because when I'm feeling sick, crummy, and full of crazy symptoms, I can look at that plan and put my belief somewhere positive. The only difficult part is making sure that I do indeed believe in my healing plan. I find that it's best if I can find the quiet, meditative, prayerful side of myself while I take the time to write my plan. If I do this once a week, then I don't have to feel like I need to frantically change the plan up every day. I try to trust that as I prayerfully evaluate my plan each week, then I don't need to carry the weight with me on a consistent basis. The idea is that I can let it go and be at peace with the process.

The other thing I'm going to do is write down my thoughts, frustrations, and symptoms in a journal. I think it's really important to be honest with myself about how I feel during this time. Sometimes I put on this "warrior" hat and even feel like I have to pretend that I'm not sick. But I don't like to feel like a pretender, especially when I feel awful! I don't like to feel like I'm ignoring the difficult symptoms that I'm experiencing. On the other hand, I know that it's not good to wallow in my misery and complain to everyone around me. So I think the best solution is to write it all down, pray for validation, and then get up and let it go and move to a place of FAITH, HOPE, and OPTIMISM! At that point, I try to rise above the symptoms and move through my day in peace and trust, rather than self pity. This all sounds lovely and is what I strive for, but is honestly very hard for me to do at times. Peace out.